Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I'm Cheating Today

"Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat."
~ Mark Twain

Since I have a huge presentation at work today (tonight, actually), today's blog won't be about much of anything at all. I've been writing, yes, and doing some marketing and publicity, yes, but those updates will have to wait 'til another day.

In the meantime, for your viewing pleasure:

my cats, sunning themselves on the loveseat yesterday…

and a fun read that Marianne had up on her blog a few days ago (it's worth a rerun)...


To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"nature.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3. Are easier to train

4. Normally come when called

5. Never ask to drive the car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't want to wear your clothes

10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.


Judy said...

I finally got around to reading your article on WOW... good job, girl! Looking forward to more and more wonderful ideas :-)

Marianne Arkins said...

Pretty kitties... and a great room! I love all the windows (I'd live in a glass house if I could -- I thrive on sunlight).

Allie Boniface said...

Oh, you would love our house, then...we lucked out when we found it. The entire front is floor to ceiling windows and sliding glass doors. It's one of my favorite features :)

MaryF said...

"fur" nature - bwahaha!!! I need to remember that the next time the stepmonster comes!